Foot Fuckers Delight – There are lots of downright creepy sex toys out there for you to use and abuse during your masturbatory sessions. When most people think of a sex toy, they think of dildos and vibes, maybe a Fleshlight for guys, but we can assure you, the varieties of sex toys out there is literally in the thousands. Not all are creepy, some are funny, some are functional and basic, nothing out of the ordinary, but some are downright odd. Disembodied body parts that look as thought they have been lifted from a crime scene and dirty, debased things done to it to make it sexual. Here are just a few. Are you into foot jobs? That in and of itself doesn’t seem too wild, but how about combining a severed foot with a Fleshlight, now that’s a bit – odd.
Teddy Bear Bed Buddy – Now what could be more innocent than a teddy bear? The very icon of childhood itself. Until you started to hump it and cover it with your cum and or pussy juice! I’ve heard of ones humping their pillows, or balled up sheets or a towel, but not even in my pervy, horny, masturbation filled youth did I ever do anything with a stuffed toy. Well for ones that did and still are, which apparently some adults are doing, there’s now a teddy bear for your…more intimate needs shall we say. Complete with vibrating tongue that sticks out and muzzle. Isn’t that just charming.
Stick Your Dick In This – For ones that find a Fleshlight a bit too, well, boring, there’s a more realistic alternative. A half of a man’s face, for the more bi curious masturbators I guess, complete with mustache. Now if this gaping mouth doesn’t give you nightmares about your dick being bitten off by someone or something, I’m not sure what will. We could go on, but these three toys will no doubt make you think twice about your hand being a bit too boring!
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Dress Up Time – Halloween is here again, and many of us have been lucky enough to be invited to some sort of costume party or the other and get to dress up. It’s always fun to put costumes on, and Halloween has become much more of an adult holiday than it used to be when it was mainly for trick or treating for children. People are concerned about their children accepting candy from strangers and any possible dangers, so it’s become more home party oriented than it ever was before.
Spooky Girl – Not all costumes are cute and sexy, many are scary and ghoulish and people often try and outdo each other with their outlandish and sometimes crazy costumes hoping to win the prize at this get together or that. It’s always fun to play dress up with your lover. Many girls seem to go down the slutty road on Halloween though and the sexy witches, nurses, teachers, vampires, all kinds of things get slutty on all Hallows Eve for some reason. It’s not the innocent night it used to be with bobbing for apples and trick or treating, for many it’s how whorish can I get and still be out in public!
Moans & Groans & Rattling Chains – Watching some scary movies together is never a bad idea, when you get scared, you cuddle up to your sweetheart and then the naughty times may soon begin! Whether it’s a fancy night out in fancy costumes, or a calm night at home ordering a pizza. Which by the way, fast fact – Halloween is one of the top nights of the year for ordering pizza.
Halloween Joke – A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:
Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.
Did you dance much?
I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to…….”
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